Kissing before marriage is a controversial subject among Christians. It’s a given that there is no single answer to this because of the range of different denominations and the vast numbers of people who call themselves Christian. We turn to the Bible, tradition and cultural context to help draw our conclusions.
In the Bible, the Song of Solomon offers an incredibly passionate, yet delicate image of a relationship. For some, it can act as a template for a pre-nuptial expression of affection. In the Song of Solomon, the couples exchange loving words and sometimes draw near one another, although there is no physical contact in this exchange. Moreover, the passage is often interpreted as a metaphor for spiritual love as well as physical love.
The Apostle Paul was known to be an advocate of celibacy, particularly for those unmarried past a certain age. However, the Apostle in no way advocated pre-nuptial chastity. On the contrary, the book of Corinthians encourages couples to ‘come together in song and embrace.’
Rabbi David Shoff, an expert on Christian sexuality, cites the New Testament as an example of where this type of behavior is acceptable. He suggests that as long as the couple respects each another, there is no singular ‘Christian perspective’ on the matter that prohibits any form of expression before marriage. Rabbi Shoff further argues that for the modern Christian believer, marriage is about sharing and expressing love, so why not express it through kissing before marriage?
Pastor Timothy Chestnut, a Church of Engagement pastor from California, says that premarital kissing is not a necessity. He says that it feels comfortable when it is done within the context of a well-defined and established relationship. He adds that premarital kissing should only be done if there is good communication between the couple and if both of them feel comfortable and safe.
Love in The Bible
The Bible must be our first port of call on understanding premarital kissing. It is evident that the bible ins=spires us to behave in exemplary ways, demonstrating self-control and devotion. A pre-marriage kiss could be justified by the bible if it was done in true love and devotion. The bible turns to the concept of biblical love like that revealed in the Song of Solomon.
Various interpretations of the Song of Solomon offer beautiful descriptions of mutual love, including words of endearment, longings and appreciation. Even more encouraging, the Song of Solomon does not exclude physical contact. The couple can dream about each other, draw near each other and repeat these expressions until they finally wed.
It seems then that the bible permits us to draw near one another, to express our love, tenderness and affection in words and expressions, but does not necessarily come out and say that it’s okay to kiss before marriage.
Making Informed Decisions
The key takeaway from this is that, in order to make an informed decision, we must explore both the bible and our own feelings and opinions. We must be sure to use the bible to guide our decisions, but also take into account our own beliefs and values that may be shaped by our religious and cultural backgrounds.
Kirsten Roberts, a Christian counselor and therapist, recommends that couples should be guided by wisdom and caution before kissing before marriage. She also offers strategies for couples to practice self-restraint before marriage, like long-distance dating or sharing meaningful moments and activities together.
The kiss before marriage is ultimately an individual choice that needs to be made between the couple and with guidance from the bible. All Christian couples should consider the words from the Bible, draw from their own personal experiences, and prayerfully assess and weigh their decision before making it.
Partial Kissing
There is no single answer to the question of kiss before marriage, however, there are some principles to keep in mind. There are those who argue that partial or closed-mouth kissing should be allowed before marriage, while still pushing off actions such as full-tongue kissing or intimate touching until after the wedding day. This way, emotions and hearts will be respected, and prayers will not be lingering on any specific act that is likely to arouse passion.
There are many couples who don’t feel like kissing before marriage is essential, which is obviously a perfectly acceptable opinion. Some couples who do choose to kiss before marriage limit the amount and intensity of those kisses. While there is no black and white answer to the question of kissing before marriage, the couples themselves should be guided by the wisdom and knowledge of their faith.
Prayer, Modesty and Self-Control
The use of prayer and temperance is certainly encouraged if couples are to participate in any physical expression of love before marriage. Not only can prayer bring a couple closer together, but it can also be used to strengthen their commitment to self-restraint and modesty prior to marriage. For some couples, these gestures serve to drive the point that any kind of physical expression of love should not be used as a means of manipulation or domination.
Couples should always consider the potential role that prayer can have in their relationship. Open and honest prayer is a means of strengthening trust, respect and understanding. It is the glue between physical expressions and spiritual meaningfulness. Couples might benefit from prayer as an aid to self-control and other ethic and moral guidelines.
“Emotional Affairs”
The concept of an ’emotional affair’ is important to consider in the context of kissing before marriage. The notion of an emotional affair refers to a close relationship that lacks any physical contact, such as kissing. Unfortunately, emotional affairs can end up being detrimental in many relationships, often leading to conflicts and breaking trust.
The most important thing for a couple to realize is that often times, emotional affairs can be more serious than physical affairs. To avoid entering into an emotional affair, couples should set boundaries and expectations. They should also discuss their feelings often and openly. If couples feel like they are beginning to enter into an emotional affair, they should take steps to strengthen their commitment to one another.
Avoiding Unnecessary Risk
When it comes to the issue of kiss before marriage, couples should be aware of the potential risks that come with it. For example, emotions can be stirred up in a physical way; if a couple is unable to control their feelings, they might end up with an unexpected pregnancy or feelings of guilt, regret or shame. This is why couples need to understand their motivations before they make any decisions, and to set boundaries so that they can be aware of their emotions.
Ultimately, the decision of whether to kiss before marriage should be an informed one and should reflect an individual’s beliefs and values. Couples should also be sure to consider their potential risks and be aware of what they are capable of handling. They should also consider the power of prayer and self-control in maintaining their relationship as they prepare for life-long commitment to one another.
