What Is a Get in Judaism
The ‘Get’ has been a foundational component of the Jewish religion since its formation. It is a legally-binding divorce document and an essential step in the dissolution of a Jewish marriage. Judaism requires a get in order to protect both parties involved and to ensure their continued relationship with family and community remain intact. The foundation of this document is built upon respect and acknowledgment that a marriage could no longer work and that it should end with the provisions necessary to begin anew and restore relationships to a healthy state.
The get covers an array of vital topics, such as child custody, spousal support, division of marital assets and goods, as well as outlining the conditions in which the marriage ends. Its purpose is not only to legally terminate the marriage, but also to ensure both parties respect and acknowledge the dissolution of the relationship, despite the amount of pain it might cause. It universally guarantees that no more financial obligations exist between the two parties and all rights shared in their marriage are released.
In order for a get to be legally valid, it must contain certain components. It must include the names of both parties and feature the signatures of two witnesses. It must also list the details of the divorce, including any arrangements or decisions regarding the division of assets and children. Many people commission a lawyer to help them write and ratify their get, as the process is often quite complex and requires particular care, especially when children are involved. Furthermore, the get must have the approval of an authorized rabbi in order for it to be valid in the eyes of the law.
A topic for much discussion in Jewish circles is that of a ‘refusal’ to accept a get. In these cases, one party may refuse to accept the offered get or refuse to sign it. This is commonly known as a Get Refusal, or Get Refusal Syndrome. Unfortunately, this phenomenon poses a serious religious and legal challenge, as it completely suspends the process of creating a new life for those exiting a marriage. Government, city, and synagogue organizations have been set up in an effort to resolve Get Refusal cases and help assist people in moving forward with their lives in a respectful and dignified manner.
Today, continued advances in technology are aiding in the increasing and much needed understanding of this important document. There are now many digitized platforms for writing, approving, and delivering a get, providing an efficient and convenient method to do so without the need for physical interactions. Additionally, technological advances are making it easier for the divorce process to progress in the traditional way, and for those involved to remain connected to the community. Online resources such as divorce preparation services, virtual classes for Jewish couples, and even online support groups for those affected by divorce are just a few of the ways technology is revolutionizing life for those affected by a Get.
The Impact of a Get in the Lives of Those Affected
Evaluations produced by the American Psychological Association report that people who have gone through the Get process often lack a feeling of closure. According to their findings, many struggling with divorce do not feel the need to end their relationship, but rather are hoping for a return to connectedness with their ex-partner. Even when the Get is concluded, many individuals report ongoing feelings of hurt, unwantedness, and emptiness as they struggle to separate their identities from those formerly shared with their partners. It is no surprise, then, that the Get has become a source of profound complexity in the lives of those affected.
Often, a Get process is further complicated by racial and gender dynamics. Recent studies have shown that the chance of a woman obtaining a Get greatly decreases if she is less economically privileged or if the couple comes from a different racial background than that of the rabbinical court. Women of color are routinely met with condescending language and insulting treatment while pursuing a Get, leading them to feel humiliated and mistreated by those in positions of religious leadership. This further entrenches the idea that those involved in a failing relationship can be treated with disrespect, and their needs marginalized.
Additionally, recent research on the effects of a Get has found that most people exit a marriage feeling a great sense of grief and loss. Something that starts off as a document of reconciliation and respect for one another suddenly becomes a source of spiritual disconnect and personal disenfranchisement. This reality can take an emotional and psychological toll on those going through it, and in some cases, the process of divorce can become yet another source of hurt, causing further existential damage.
In cases where the Get is not accepted, feelings of powerlessness, disappointment, and guilt commonly arise in question to the level of closure that can be gained through the process. This can be especially traumatic for those involved, as they often must wait extraordinary periods of time to heal and move on in their lives. In such cases, the strength of the community and family members can become a source of necessary guidance and comfort in assisting those impacted to emotionally survive such a process.
The Role of Faith Communities in Supporting a Get
Given the challenges faced in obtaining and completing a Get, faith communities have a role to play in easing the process. There is an emphasis on respecting the individuals involved and a profound desire to help those who are struggling with the emotional and psychological effects of divorce. In cases of Get refusal, some communities have established special prayer services that are designed to inspire hope and healing in those affected, and to encourage the positive resolution of their cases. The prayer services are also made available to friends and family of the couple, in an effort to help them provide acknowledgment, loving support, and comfort.
There are other ways in which faith communities support the Get process that are not centered on prayer services, such as by connecting couples with rabbis who have expertise in family law. These professionals can provide legal aid and advice to those in need. They are knowledgeable in the ins and outs of rabbinical courts and can help individuals navigate matters such as division of marital assets and goods, as well as authorization of the document. Support such as this is integral in helping couples to remain on good footing, even as they pursue a Get.
Others in the faith communities also seek to provide counsel and resources for those affected by divorce. Religious texts are made available for personal reflection and guidance, and professionals in the field are increasingly incorporating faith-based approaches into counseling sessions. For example, some rabbis have personally interviewed divorcing couples in order to develop mutually beneficial Get conditions and strengthen their faith in the process.
The Get process is also creating interesting relationships between religious and secular law. Conversion to Judaism has become a source of frustration for those seeking a Get; Israel, for instance, will not accept an Orthodox conversion unless it is granted by an Orthodox rabbi, whom many find difficult to locate. This tug of war between religious and legal authorities highlights the importance of understanding the context within which a Get is operationalized and permits individuals to prepare and anticipate any possible roadblocks in their journey.
Changes in Attitude Towards a Get
A revolution of sorts is occurring in regards to attitudes towards the Get process. In the past, a Get was viewed as a culturally-mandated form of punishment, and those affected often felt like outcasts in the face of their communities. Society frowned upon the termination of a marriage, disregarding those involved in the process, as it was believed that such a situation was a reflection of their personal moral failure.
Modern communities have begun to recognize the complexity of such a situation and are actively combating dismissive attitudes. This shift in perspective is providing those going through a Get with the acknowledgment and respect necessary for such a difficult process. In fact, some communities have even begun to use the Get as a means of facilitating the healing of individuals, by incorporating the practice into the work of relationship counselors, support groups, and rabbinical advocates.
The Get has evolved from a document of separation to something that facilitates a new kind of connectedness; one that is free from the pressures of marriage and allows individuals to focus on personal healing. Faith communities are a source of support not only during times of rule-abiding divorce, but also in instances of Get refusal, when individuals are in need of critical guidance and wisdom.
How the Get Influences Current Jewish Marriages
The Get process continues to be an integral part of Jewish culture, and its intersection with modern-day relationships can be seen in the increase of pre-marital agreements that require couples to engage in a get process in the event of a divorce. This resulted in a growing interest in prenuptial negotiation processes, as couples have found that it helps one party from gaining a financial advantage in the event of separation. Such agreements usually require the mutual ratification of rabbinical authorities to be considered binding.
The Get is also sparking conversations of gender parity in the eyes of Jewish law. As stated before, patriarchal interpretations of the Get place a larger burden on women in the process due to preconceived notions of gender and religious stature. The power dynamics of a marital relationship can thus heavily influence how the Get is administrated, with the married man in control of the Get and women often having no choice but to agree to a male-dictated document. Such decisions are echoed in the realm of custody and alimony rights, as women feel the need to give up control of their finances and any remaining assets in exchange for parental guardianship of the children.
In response, many activists are pushing for ‘MeToo’-inspired changes in Jewish marriage laws that better address the needs of women in cases of divorce. These feminists are asking for a revision in legal texts, as well as a reengagement with the community from a gender-sensitive perspective. Such efforts are made with the goal of achieving equitable power dynamics for men and women in Jewish marriages, and for the Get document to genuinely reflect a respect for the individual.
The Future of the Get
Going forward, the Get process will continue to be a source of personal, religious and cultural difficulty, as well as of immense complexity. The document itself will likely be subject to ever changing legal, political and cultural dynamics, especially in Israel and the United States, where the dissolution of a marriage is heavily influenced by the religious composition of local courts. However, the Get also represents a unique opportunity for couples to find closure, acceptance and even spiritual restoration, in the face of a traumatic transition. A successful Get can bring family and community back together in the communal and religious setting.
In the present, and in the decades to come, much progress can be made in regards to the Get process. For example, technological advances are providing more efficient ways of obtaining a Get and progress is being made in the recognition of less traditional outlets. Some courts are now accepting ‘cyber-gits’ and even sympathetic court-approval of pre-Marital agreements in cases of Get refusal. Finally, gender sensitivity is bringing forth much-needed changes in legal texts, as women are now becoming a major part of the equation, and are being seen as equal and autonomous individuals.
