What To Say In Judaism When Someone Dies
Jewish people offer condolences to those who have lost a loved one through a variety of comforting words and expressions. At a funeral, the rabbi often sets the tone for the expression of sympathy with a heart-felt eulogy. After the funeral, family and friends can express their sympathy in many ways.
The most frequent expression of sympathy used by Jewish people is to say, “May the departed rest in peace.” It is customary to offer this Jewish expression of sympathy while saying the name of the deceased; for example, “May Miriam rest in peace.”
To remind the bereaved that God sustains those who suffer sorrow, Jews commonly recited a passage of scripture known as the Mourner’s Kaddish. This is done to honor the memory of the deceased and to express faith that God is the source of comfort. In Hebrew, the traditional words of Kaddish are said this way:
Yitgaddal veyitkaddash shmei rabba. Even in English, these words bring comfort: “May His great name be blessed and hallowed.”
Jews believe that providing financial assistance to charity helps elevate the spirit of the deceased and aids the bereaved in their mourning. While it is an ancient practice, it is still an appreciated gesture among many Jews today. Gift-giving to those in need on behalf of the deceased can take many forms, including donations to the synagogue, an educational institution, or to a Jewish charity.
It is also important to remind the bereaved that there is hope amidst their sorrow, even in the face of death. The ancient Jewish teachings on life and death tell us that death is not the end of life, but a transition. In that transition, the deceased will not be forgotten, for the memory of a beloved will always remain in our hearts. They are with us in our thoughts, in our prayers and our daily prayers.
Respect And Honor The Deceased
Respect and honor of the departed is an important part of Judaism. A common expression of respect for the deceased is the phrase “May their memory be for a blessing.” When attending a funeral, men are required to wear a tallit, and women may choose to wear one as well. In cases where a man has died, his casket is typically filled with a mixture of dirt, stones and pebbles, symbolizing the brevity of life.
It is often customary in Jewish tradition to leave a stone upon the casket of the deceased, signifying that the memory of the departed will live on in our hearts and minds. Those who are unable to attend the funeral can still pay their respects by sending a condolence card. Such cards can be found in almost everyJewish community, containing extracts from the scriptures and powerful symbols of comfort.
Commemorative Headstones Or Plaques
Headstones or plaques can be used to commemorate and remember a loved one who has passed away. The traditional Jewish headstone, called a matzevah, is most commonly used to mark the grave of those who have passed away. Jewish people also wear jewelry to remember their departed loved one, or commission baker’s dough figurines in their memory.
Jewish people also often observe a Sabbath of rememberance on the anniversary of a death. This is a time to commemorate the life of the deceased with stories and memories, and to take comfort in the love shared between family and friends.
Talking To Children About Death
Helping children to cope with the loss of a loved one can be a difficult and emotional experience. One of the best ways to approach this is to talk to them openly and honestly about death. Most rabbis advise that it is important to keep the conversation open, listening to the thoughts and feelings of the children involved. It can also be helpful to incorporate stories from the Jewish faith to help them understand the concept of death.
Traditionally, a funeral is not the appropriate time for young children to attend. It is important to have conversations about death with children in a way that is age-appropriate, emphasizing what the person meant in their life. This can help them to understand the concept of death without it being overly morbid.
Support The Bereaved
It can be difficult to know how to provide tangible support to the bereaved. While there is no single answer, expressing love and spending time together can be immensely helpful. Putting a card through the door, sending some flowers, or a letter of condolence can be a meaningful act of kindness.
Visiting the bereaved in their hour of need, whether it is by attending a funeral, offering meals or simply by being a listening ear, can be deeply appreciated. Making sure they receive adequate rest and someone to take care of their day-to-day needs can be a great way to show kindness and care.
Reconnecting To Life After Death
The mourning period is an important time for the bereaved that allows them time to heal from their loss. However, it is also important to slowly reconnect with life and strive for peace and equanimity. Judaism, like many other faiths, believes in the possibility of solace and peace after death, and encourages those left behind to accept and embrace life that follows.
Lastly, understanding that grief is a process is essential. Mourning is not a linear process and getting through it can be a challenge. Taking small steps of progress each day is an important part of healing, and the support of family and friends can make a huge difference.
Coping With Grief
Grief is different for everyone, and there is no set timeline for it. However, there are some things that can done to help cope. Finding comfort in faith and spiritual practice can help, as can reaching out and talking to friends, family, and professionals about what is happening.
Jewish people often find comfort in traditional mourning practices like expressing sorrow through prayers or hymns, reciting Kaddish, and communally reciting psalms. Performing mitzvot in memory of the deceased can also be beneficial, as it can help the bereaved focus on faith and the legacy of the deceased.
Being Sensitive To The Bereaved
When it comes to offering condolences in Judaism, intending to provide comfort is often more important than the exact words used. It is important not to compare the grief of one person to another and not to say anything that could be interpreted as minimizing the importance of death. Using phrases such as “for the best” and “It’s for the best” should be avoided.
In sum, expressing sympathy for a loved one is an important part of Judaism. When someone dies, it is important to respect and honor the deceased by using the traditional words of comfort, donating to charity and engaging in appropriate mourning practices.
