Grieving Process According To Judaism
Grief is a universal experience and an integral part of being human. Judaism is one of the oldest belief systems on the planet and it has something to say about how to deal with grief. Following death, Jewish customs come into play and give guidance to individuals as to how to handle their own grief and also how to help others in their time of need.
One of the first steps outlined in the Jewish tradition for dealing with death is to accept it. People must come to terms with the reality that death is a natural part of human life and it is not something which can be avoided. It is important to remember that everyone grieves differently and no one should be judged for the way they respond to death.
In Judaism, the immediate days following death are very sacred. The dead are seen as still part of the community and are still protected. No health is said during this period and individuals should refrain from activities such as marriage and business as a mark of respect.
A Rabbi is usually consulted following the death of a family member and they are responsible for providing guidance and prayers. During a funeral service, the Rabbi will help families to say goodbye as well as providing them with an opportunity to pray and reflect. Prayers and readings are usually conducted in the presence of an open casket, which allows for a physical embodiment of the deceased.
The seven day mourning period which follows a death is referred to as ‘Shiva’. This is a period of physical and spiritual healing, with family and friends gathering to console the bereaved. Sitting shiva enables those mourning to come together and draw strength from each other. It is also an opportunity for loved ones to share stories and memories of the deceased, providing closure and peace.
When faced with death, Judaism encourages people to express their emotions. At the time of death it is expected to “say as little as possible”. This helps individuals to focus on their internal feelings, which can be a crucial part of the grieving process.
Caring For The Body
Another central part of what to say when a loved one dies in Judaism is caring for the body. According to Torah, the body of a deceased person should be given the utmost respect. This is demonstrated through practices such as washing the body before burial and ensuring the face is uncovered in the open casket. It is believed that showing reverence to the body of the dead helps to ease the pain of the mourning period.
The importance of the body is highlighted by the development of an ancient tradition known as the ‘Chevra Kadisha’. This is a group of people who are responsible for the preparation of bodies for burial. This includes washing the body and dressing it in shrouds. This practice is seen as a way of honouring the deceased and carries spiritual significance.
Mourning For Children
Children also have their response to grief recognized by Judaism. There is much debate as to how to support children when someone close to them passes away. However, it is clear that children should not be denied or restricted from the mourning process and their own feelings should be nurtured.
In Judaism, it is important to teach children how to express their feelings. Whilst they may not understand death, they need to be able to talk about what they are feeling and how it makes them feel. Sharing stories, photos and memories of the deceased can be beneficial for both children and adults and can help to provide closure.
Jewish Mourning Customs
In Judaism, there are several customs which are intended to be followed following a period of mourning. One of these customs involves the wearing of a ‘Keriah’ during the first week post a death. This involves tearing a piece of fabric and wearing it as a symbol of loss and sorrow.
Another Jewish custom is the avoidance of celebrations. During the first year post the death, individuals should refrain from taking part in any sort of festivity. Weddings, birthdays and anniversaries should all be avoided. This is done out of respect for the deceased and a way to demonstrate that grief is still present in the everyday.
There is also a custom known as the ‘Unveiling’ which occurs one year on from the date of death. This marks the end of the twelve month period and is a form of closure for those mourning. Traditionally, this was an occasion for prayer and reflections, as well as it providing an opportunity for families and friends to remember the deceased one last time.
Jewish Memorial Celebrations
Memorial services are also an important ritual in Judaism and provide a space for friends and family to commemorate the deceased. It is also seen as an opportunity to honour the life of the deceased and to remember the time which was spent together. Prayers are usually said and those present are invited to speak of fond memories and experiences.
Memorial celebrations are usually seen as a positive event, even though it is focused around death, as it gives people the opportunity to come together and show respect. There may be various mitzvahs (good deeds) organized on the day such as planting a tree in memory of the deceased and giving charity in the name of the dead.
Network Of Support
Grief is something which affects the whole family, but there are plenty of support networks available to those in need. Through the website jewishgrief.org, the Jewish community has created an exclusive platform for those going through times of bereavement.
The website provides a space for individuals to share their stories, connect with other families and access advice from professionals. There are also coping strategies and resources available to those seeking help or further information.
How To Support
The most important thing to remember when supporting someone who is grieving is that everyone responds to death differently. It is important not to judge someone for how they feel or the way in which they respond. There are no easy answers and no wrong or right way to grieve. Listening is sometimes all that is required to support someone in a meaningful way.
It is natural to feel helpless when dealing with death, but sometimes the best way to show support is to just be there. There are various tasks which can be carried out to assist someone in their time of need, such as providing practical help around the home or helping to care a person’s pet.
Cultural Significance
When someone dies in Judaism, there are a range of guiding principles that come into play. Jewish mourning customs and rituals provide individuals with a support network and act as a reminder of the importance of life and death.
Death is not only extremely personal, but is seen as culturally significant in Judaism. Through following certain rituals and listening with an open heart, it is possible to show respect and support individuals who are coping with grief.
